“Get Drunk on the Beach!” by Kate Fisher

Before I let Veronica have her way (and believe me she always does get her way), I want to take a brief moment to thank Kate, aka the Daily Tarot Girl, for giving me the original inspiration to create a series where entrepreneurs allow their shadows to take over their business for a day.

The first time Veronica Noir showed up on Kate’s blog, I was blown away. Her advice, spot on. Her style + attitude … bad ass, tell-it-like-it-is and sexy!

You must, must, must sign up for Kate’s daily + weekly overview tarot readings [CLICK HERE] and then wait for Veronica’s readings on each Friday.

With no more ado, I’ll give it over to Kate and Veronica.

One day I found myself hunched over my laptop, innocently working away like a busy little bee when suddenly, out of nowhere, I heard a velvety voice say “Fuck your Facebook page, let’s get drunk on the beach!”

Who was that? I frantically looked behind me, then under my table, then up on the ceiling. There was no one. I was completely alone. Or was I?

I was instantly struck by the curious feeling that there was this other being inside of me… just bursting to get out. You know, like in Rosemary’s Baby.

I inhaled deeply and decided to just go with it. With ferocity and gusto, this mysterious woman clawed her way out from the depths of my soul with her black painted fingernails and thigh-high leather boots. “Hi, I’m Veronia Noir” she purred and stretched out on the sofa across from me like a slutty cat.

She looked just like me, only better. How long had this terrifying creature been hiding inside me? God only knows!

Veronica proceeded to tell me why I was having troubles staying motivated, getting things done and actually making money in my business. And one minute into it I came to the conclusion that she was one outrageous, massive bitch.

So lean in and I will let you eavesdrop on our sexy conversation so you too will get the benefit of Veronica’s cracked out advice:

Veronica: “Stop blogging and sending newsletters until you actually have something to say. Adding your banal mind chatter to the endless bumble and buzz of the online world just for the sake of it is stupid. Don’t play that game. It’s for losers.”

Me: “But I have to blog every week! Marie Forleo says…”

V: “Shut the fuck up!”

M: “But if I’m not constantly posting updates on Facebook and creating content people will forget about me. I NEED to do this!”

V: “How inspired and creative are you when you try to churn out content like a factory? You aren’t China. Oh, and another thing…stop replying to boring emails.”

M: “You mean those long, never ending emails that strangers send me, describing all their problems in minute detail, asking for a free reading?”

V: “Yes, those.”

M: “But that would make me a mean person. I have to respond to everyone who emails me or comments on my blog and videos. I can’t just ignore people! Or else they will hate me.”

V: “Do you think Wayne Dyer responds to every email he gets? Of course not. Don’t be stupid! Stop grovelling for approval. Who cares if people think your a bitch?”

M: “Well, I’m not Wayne Dyer, but um, okay. What other words of wisdom do you have?”

V: “You procrastinate too much. Here’s what you need to do. Make a ‘fuck-it box’ and put it on your desk. Anything you don’t want to do goes into the ‘fuck-it box’. On Thursdays from 1- 3pm you will go to town on that ‘fuck-it box’ and complete only the tasks that should not be ignored. Make it fun – get drunk, wear a feather boa and eat macaroons while tackling the unpleasant and boring parts of your business.”

M: “hmmm….okay. What else?”

V: “Just be you. Say what you want, mean what you say and don’t be afraid to be daring. If you need to reference your vagina in a blog post in order to illustrate a particular concept, go for it.”

M: “What?! That’s rude! I would never talk about my vagina. That is highly unprofessional.”

V: “Pffft! Whatever! All I know is that the blogger who can turn her vagina into a witty metaphor is in a category all her own. Don’t underestimate the power of the …”

M: “Okay, okay, I get it!”

V: “One more thing. Ignore the Siren song of the internet. It is meant to be a tool for you to use, not the other away around. So don’t be a tool. I’ve seen your google search history and it’s tragic. Life is short, so stop wasting it watching kitten videos and googling ‘hot guys’. Do I really have to tell you this?”

M: “I’d like to see your google search history, YOU SKANK!” (I will admit, I was feeling a little defensive at this point.)

And on that note, Veronica evaporated into thin air. But she didn’t go away. I still hear her all the time, roaring orders and mewing cheeky suggestions in my ear…

“Take longer breaks”

“Get drunk on the beach already!”

Sometimes I listen and sometimes I ignore, but I never regret taking her advice.

Since following her bitchy guidance I have increased my subscribers, website traffic and blog comments.

And the best part is that I have energy and creativity to burn! One day I may even let her take over completely…

Kate is an intuitive Tarot reader and life coach. She teaches Tarot card reading on her popular website and is passionate about inspiring you to use your Tarot and Angel cards for personal growth and connecting with the Divine. Visit her site daily-tarot-girl.com and get your free audio download of her mini tutorial “How to Read Tarot Cards with Intuition”.