Just Like Online Dating … Being Yourself = Not Creepy

Before I dive into this week’s philosophical wanderings on authenticity, I must give a shout out to my sweet, sassy and super-intelligent girlfriend, Safron.

Over a delicious cup of green tea, with a side of juicy farmer’s market strawberries, I was telling her about how I met hubby Shaun over the internet and of course the not-so-savory experiences I had with online dating two years prior to winning the soulmate jackpot.

Later, as we were discussing her business (archetypal astrology!), she nonchalantly mentioned it as a way to punctuate our conversation about the importance of being yourself online (and off, of course). She is so savvy + funny!

So, this little ditty is dedicated to you, Safron. And, also to my newfound Goddess Sisters of the L.A. Goddess Collective in Santa Monica. I had a blast talking to y’all last Thursday. And, found my heart filled with feelings of a true homecoming. I have missed the Mothership.

Not being yourself is creepy.

True story …

I was in the middle of an online dating spree that summer. All of my friends thought I was crazy ‘cause I was going on one of those “coffee dates” every other day, it seemed.

I loved it. Loved meeting new men and as many of you have surmised by now, I’m a bit of a risk taker, so those dates were a safe way for me to figure out what it was that I wanted in my mate. And, I also got uber clear on what I didn’t want.

During that time period, I went on like 18 dates, most with a different man! I had 2 or 3 repeat coffee dates, but usually I’d run away screaming after the first.

I hope this isn’t crossing the line, but before this I had also decided to take a one year sabbatical from, eh …. sexual intercourse. Wasn’t one of the best ideas I’ve ever had, but it was incredibly educational.

So, now the procreational pendulum was swinging in the other direction. I really did want to meet the right partner. I had been single for eight years and was ready for the commitment thang.

Coffee Date # 11. Ok … so this very nice, handsome and intelligent guy writes to me on Match.com and asks to meet me at the Rose Cafe in Venice. Good. A nice place. A busy place, which always makes me feel more at ease. Oh, did I mention he was handsome? His wavy, dark hair and gorgeous smile in a model-like headshot. And, a loving father, with a slightly out-of-date fashion sense, with his arm around his daughter. Sweet. Charming.

I walk into the Rose at our designated meeting time and I’m looking around. Don’t see Mr. Handsome.

“Kris?”

I look around at hearing my name, but I still don’t see him.

Then he walks up to me. Oh. My. God.

A grizzled, ash blond haired man extends his hand out to shake mine. He smiles. Smoke breath.

“I’m [Mr. Handsome].”

I can barely hold my hand out. Pure shock. This is NOT the man I saw in the picture.

He says (as if he senses my shock), “Well, I don’t really look like my picture anymore. Does that really matter?”

I say, “Yes. You basically are lying to all of the women on Match.com.”

We continued a very superficial conversation that clearly I wanted no part of–for an agonizing 15 minutes. I was too polite in those days.

So, I basically told him he had no chance in hell to get a second chance with me because he made it impossible for me to trust him. I told him the truth.

“You aren’t a bad looking guy. You seem nice and intelligent. Put up a current picture of yourself and I’m sure you’ll meet someone that will like you as you are.”

He gave me a big hug and we parted ways to never see each other again.

What I think this story illustrates so beautifully is our fear to show our true face and embody the image of who we are right NOW. Where we were yesterday, or who we were 10, 25 or maybe 40 years ago, doesn’t matter as much as we believe.

I dare you to not talk about your past when you’re asked about your future. –Danielle LaPorte

The past has defined much of who we are right now … which is why I love to work so deeply with personal mythology and why I ask people what stories and characters they loved as a child.

I was a Greek mythology nerd from at least 1st grade. I was in love with writing stories and lyrics from at least age 6. I loved The Little Mermaid and The Ugly Duckling … My favorite book was A Wrinkle in Time.

That was then …

Now, I have a Ph.D. in Mythology, I mentor others about using personal myth and archetypes and I write professionally. The truest essence of “me” and “you” is a part of our personal destiny AND childhood loves are a preview of the future, of growing into our greatest selves.

If you need the courage and inspiration to dive into that childlike essence, reconnect to that part of yourself who just loved what you loved and wanted what you wanted. No reasons needed. No justifications. And NO shame.

Be a mermaid, a magical sorceress, a unicorn, a faery, a wizard … this is your one precious life. Even if we return a million times to incarnate, we come back as a new being. This being you are today is the only “you” that will ever exist in any time/space/place.

Who you are right now is enough and pure genius.

Being you (as you are now) in every situation, in business + in life, is being bigger and MORE than you were in the past. No matter the circumstances.

 

Let’s write some new stories!

If you’d like to have a day steeped in the loves from your childhood all the way up to your present, it may be time for you to take the Plunge. I have three spots left for September 2013, so reserve your spot quickly dear one!

Love notes from some very happy and satisfied Mermaids:

“Launching my new website has brought quite a slew of emotions, including more anxiety and trepidation that I’d expected. (Let’s just say it’s been a very cathartic process!)

Thanks to you, the one area that I have not a single doubt bubbling up is my copy. You have brilliance in polishing up my words to their best diamond shine. Kris, you epitomize my favorite business strategy: under promise and over deliver!” –email from Maria.

“Wow! What a fun day – thank you for the wonderful exploration of self, message, and communication!” –#1 email from Rochelle.

“Whoaaaaaa!!! Damn – you are rocking it Mermaid Goddess!!! I have taken a first read through and I am loving the home page and several of the taglines.” –#2 email from Rochelle.

“What I can tell you is that your work is very powerful. More than finding the right words, the value in this experience for me is that through your deep seeing and simple process things that have been in the way of me bringing my work into its fullest expression are clearing out.” –#1 email from Sandra.

“You are a transformative agent for those of us who are giving form to our work. Couldn’t do this without you. Step by step I’m getting there.” –#2 email from Sandra.

“I am more than I ever imagined. At this very moment, my strength as an energy spirit is fueled. So true there is no stopping once you choose tap into the depth of your ‘Plunge'” –email from Jo.

What you’ll get from the Plunge is renewed clarity along with practical and inspired action steps … and minty-fresh copy for your website, brochures and talks.

Come on in, the water’s fine. Just like you!

Get more details about the Plunge.