Stop “should-ing” all over yourself.

Note from Kris:

I’m really excited to introduce you to my dear friend Bravura. She may not be a “nice” mermaid, and she knows how to swim with sharks. (She worked in the entertainment industry after all!)

This woman is not afraid to let things fly. Swear words, sexual innuendos = business advice not for the feint of heart.

She’s the High Priestess of All that’s sacred + sassy + marketable. She’s the Dominatrix of biz dev + client seduction.

Let’s give it up for Bravura!


“I wondered if should was another disease plaguing women.
Did we want babies and perfect honeymoons, or did we think we should have babies and perfect honeymoons? How do we separate what we could do and what we should do?

And here’s an alarming thought: It’s not just peer pressure, it seems to be coming from within.

Why are we should-ing all over ourselves?”

Uttered by that fearless, fashion-loving diva, Carrie Bradshaw in the HBO series, Sex and the City, I find this quote to be timeless. And by the way, I relate way more to Samantha. She’s ready to try anything at least once. Meeeoooww.

Samantha wouldn’t let anything stop her from trying out every position that caught her fancy. She doesn’t want to be anyone’s wife or mother. She wants what she wants. And she goes after it. Lustily.

When you want to land a new client, and let’s say you’re a business or life coach, do you put up a website, get a few hundred cards printed out, start a LinkedIn profile and Facebook page?

Sure, why not?

What do you do after that?

Pray? Make a vision board? Endlessly recite your affirmations?

“I now manifest 3 new high-calibre coaching clients easily and effortlessly.” (Chanted in the least relaxed and most desperate manner possible.)

Honey, don’t take this the wrong way, but that’s just not going to cut it.

Or do you make a list of every person you know and email them or call them, or both, incessantly … stalking them like the delicious prey they are?

Hustling is something I’m really good at, but I like things to happen with ease. I want my prospects to lust after me with abandon.

When it comes to attracting massive amounts of clients, there are lots of “shoulds” being bandied about these days:

  • You should have a dynamite website, with professional video and photos. (And, in my opinion show a little cleavage or thigh.)
  • You should be on Facebook/Twitter/LinkedIn/Google+ and now Pinterest. (Looking your hottest of course. You never know who’s trolling over social media.)
  • You should have a well-defined niche. (I prefer to focus my attention on well-defined glutes.)
  • You should charge higher prices to be valued more. (Hmmm. May work if you’re a high-class call girl or gigolo.)
  • You should email your list at least once per week. (How exhausting! I need my beauty sleep!)

All of these “shoulds” are right and all of them are wrong. And I’m going to tell you why right now.

So listen up, Darling.

Getting clients to hire you and pay you money is just like getting a lover to take you into the boudoir for one (or more, hopefully) nights of unbridled passion.

Here’s how to rock client attraction the Bravura way:

1. Foreplay people! I do like my intercourse hot and heavy, but the Aphrodite in me desires more, shall we say, delicate sensual delights before the main course. I want to savor a few chilled grapes or a chocolate-dipped strawberry before eating the hot, spicy + thick … enchilada.

The same goes for potential clients. If someone joins your email list, do you call them that afternoon or even the next day and see if they want to hand over thousands of dollars for you to coach them? You have to take it sloooooow, like honey. Let them savor you like a dainty appetizer.

Believe me, you’ll know when they’re ready for the whole chimichanga.

2. Follow up with class AND sass. Yes, this means no booty calls at 1am. But, still you need to remind them that you’re around and available. A “thank you” text the next morning is “nice,” but will they remember you and desire a night of passion in the near future? I think not.
Come up with something that screams you.

Be that person no one forgets. What can you deliver that will be unforgettable? If you already sent them the usual free sign up goody, why not take 10 extra minutes and send them a tip to help improve one of their sales pages. They’ll be all hot and bothered for you when they rake in more sales ’cause of your handy little tip. (If I were you, I’d send them naughty birthday gifts every year too. Try a gift basket with artisan chocolate truffles along with the latest steamy novel, i.e. Fifty Shades of Grey. And, throw in a pair of velvet handcuffs.)

3. Make your move. Make it smooth. I know that sounds like a terrible rerun of an Exlax commercial, but humor me for a minute.

Eventually you will have to ask for the main event. Ahem. I know you want to get off. And, in case you were wondering, that client of yours wants you to sell them. They want the Big “O” just as much as you do.

Let the consummation be everything they dreamed it would be: start with an intimate, one-on-one meeting; show them how much you know about pleasuring every inch of their … marketing plan.

And, don’t fly by the seat of your skin-tight True Religion jeans. Map out all of your moves. Don’t act like an amateur lover. That’s unforgivable in my well-worn little black book.

Whatever you do … no more “should-ing” on yourself. It stinks to high heaven.

Give yourself permission to be you. And, if you can’t do it, give me a call. I’ll bitch-slap you into submission, oh so sweetly.

😉 xoxo

Fit to be tied,


Hi, it’s me, Kris, again. (Sorry for the let down.)

I hope you enjoyed this week’s guest post from Bravura. I know I did. It raised an eyebrow and my body temperature a bit.

Bravura is one of my shadow personas, in case you were wondering. So, it’s like she’s me, but not me. I’m sure she’ll return again to torture you sweetly with her brand of marketing and business advice.

She is the second guest poster in my new web series, “Let Your Shadow be CEO for a Day” running during the month of November and possibly into December 2013.

Check out my first guest Margo, in her ode to self-respect, “Get the Fucking Tattoo Already!”


There are 18 comments on Stop “should-ing” all over yourself.

  • Wow! Bravura is one saucy lady with all her spicy enchilada innuendos and bitch slap offerings! Amidst all the heavy breathing and penis metaphors was some great advice – and really, I can’t imagine taking good advice any other way. Its interesting to note, after reading your post and Margo’s and thinking about my own alter ego Veronica, that deep down, we just want to be complete bitches! I love it!

    • Kate – really looking forward to Veronica Noir’s guest post 🙂

      If not for her Bravura probably would have stayed in the shadows.

      And yes, we are such nice people that there have to be equally powerful bitches somewhere inside of us. And it’s fantastic to have a forum to let them out and play.



  • Fabulous post! All the Mexican food references made me think of Rosarito. Here’s to unfreezing, waking up, and seizing the day!

  • Loved it Kris yet another manifesto that had me at “the Aphrodite in me desires more”
    Helen xox

    • Helen, I was actually thinking of you when I was writing that part!

      It’s amazing to me how many inspirational Muses live within and around us all the time. We just need to open our eyes.



  • Fab post, Kris. Should is such a destructive little word!! I’m loving the shadow self exploration and series of posts. Lyn x

  • Loved this Kris, you really made me laugh and the advice is great! Looking forward to reading more….

  • Love this. Love her. Love you.

    This is so perfect because I’m right in the middle of revamping my marketing strategy (courtesy of being Bewitched!).

  • Wow – awesome post Kris! Bravura is one hot mama. Like Aliza, I’m onto a new powerful marketing strategy – thanks to you, Kris! I have definitely been Bewitched! I can’t wait to reveal all – but, much like Bravura – I’m going to have some foreplay with this idea and let it get all hot and… juiced up before I do.

    Thanks so much for everything, Kris! Again – love, love, love Bravura’s voice and look forward to hearing more from her.

    Hint on new branding: it will contain warrior queens – not princesses. 😉

    • You are a total Warrior Queen. Your story and your brand are Bewitching … it’s a matter of letting us see you.

      It sounds like you see yourself, which is the most important part of the process.

      Love you dearly Warrior Goddess Sistar,


  • Oops – I meant much like Elizabeth. Sorry Elizabeth. 😀

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