The Imposter Complex

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” –Maya Angelou

This morning I had the most beautiful and sacred dance practice. I’m studying an ancient form of Indian dance known as Odissi.

There are only six of us doing this practice with our teacher and we all sweat and rooted into our deepest strength and core.

At the end of our practice, she told us how raw and divided she felt about doing this with us because in the realm of Odissi dance she is still a beginner. That her teacher was so much more learned and experienced. And, I know this is all true. But it’s only part of the truth.

It was a poignant moment as we all shared her vulnerability in silence. And at the same time we recognized our own soft spots where we feel the newness, the beginning of vulnerable new life.

Every time she teaches us and practices with us, she gets stronger. She understands the dance in a new way because she sees it through our eyes, our bodies and our struggles.

When we are at the beginning of something it can be difficult to share with others.

“I’ve only been studying […..] for a short time, so I don’t have the right/confidence to share it.”

“I don’t have a Ph.D. so I shouldn’t be teaching/writing about this.”

These statements all carry a seed of truth. The beginner does not feel secure in the position of authority.

But to share your devotion, passion or gift does not require any degrees or even years of experience.

It does require pure intention, honesty and the desire to grow into your soft spots.

About a month ago, I was invited by Alexandra Franzen to her mother’s home for a weekend retreat with six other women entrepreneurs I look up to and adore, such as Melissa Cassera and Dyana Valentine. A gathering for creativity, working on our separate projects, performances, support and hot-tubbing. And, Alexandra’s waffles. Yummy!

At first I felt like my Odissi teacher did. I’m still a struggling entrepreneur trying to figure things out and these ladies have been doing their thing much longer and have seen quite a bit of success.

Should I go? What would I have to offer? Am I a REAL entrepreneur or just an imposter pretending?

I had real fear around saying “Yes,” but I knew better than to listen to fear. I booked my hotel room two weeks ago and tonight need to pack all of my notebooks and drums.

I leave tomorrow morning for a new chapter in my entrepreneurial life and I’m definitely nervous about it. But so excited that I’m able to fulfill a dream to bring more healing and integration to you and your business.

I know I’ll have much to share about this weekend, so you’ll hear from me again soon.

With love and devotion to you, and as a fledgling Mermaid-preneur,

Kris