Cord Cutting Doesn’t Work.

I know this is going to cause some polarization. I’m tackling this topic knowing that it will piss some people off, but I’ve been needing to say this for a long time.

Here are the reasons why I’m broadcasting that cord cutting doesn’t work, and many of these observations come from my own experience with this ever popular spiritual method (as well as my friends’, family’s and clients’ stories):

#1 – Cutting the cords does not heal codependency and addictive behaviors. First of all, if you’re in an unhealthy relationship with a person (or even a substance, job, money, etc) notice if this is a repeating pattern. I can pretty much guarantee that you’ve experienced this before over and over. I’m not judging because I’m healing my own set of issues with codependency.

I’m addicted to outside validation from the men in my life, for starters. If I get validation from my dad, my boyfriend, a lover, a boss or co-worker that is like my “crack.” It’s taken lots of years of deep work with integrating my unconscious and I’m getting better year after year. I’ve been told to cut cords with these people and situations. I tried it many times and guess what, it didn’t work.

The kind of magic that is needed in most situations where cord cutting doesn’t work is integration work, and specifically shadow integration work. Therapy, coaching, shamanic work, plant medicine, meditation and many beautiful energy healing techniques can help you with this. It’s my personal experience telling you now, that ultimately cord cutting won’t CUT it. (Hahahaha, I’m so punny.)

#2 – Cord cutting actually makes the person or situation you’re trying to liberate yourself from more resistant and clingy. Any time I tried cord cutting to get rid of a person in my life or release a situation that didn’t serve me, cord cutting actually made this harder. When you cut a cord, you’re cutting an umbilical-cord-like energetic bond and depending on the strength of the bond, it will reform itself again quickly – and become more resilient. It’s like trying to cut the head of a Hydra. (The Hydra was a mythological beast with three heads that when Hercules cut off it’s heads, two more sprouted out of each one, making his situation much harder.)

#3 – Cutting cords from someone you deeply loved will cause you more emotional pain. This one surprised me when I experienced it. Losing a love relationship, no matter how dark and toxic, is going to effing hurt like a mother effer. There’s no quick fix, which cord cutting is advertised to be. Just cut the cord (possibly do it a few times even) and the pain and problem will dissolve. I don’t know one person that this has worked for.

Separation from the one you love is hard enough, but to cut the energetic tie is like putting a knife in a wound and tearing it open, over and over. Please do not do this to yourself. And I understand the desire to get rid of the heartache and pain as quickly as possible. Healing that is deep and long lasting is never a quick fix. It takes a lot of forgiveness and self-compassion to heal a broken heart. Don’t try to do it alone either.

Reach out to someone you love and trust for support, even me, if you can’t think of anyone else in this moment.